Not Gay
by lookanotherone
Summary: Ted and Barney are sure they're not gay. Then again, neither of them went through their 'experimental' phase, neither of whom did Marshall. Without even trying it out, how can any of them be certain? Contrary to the title this fic is gay as fuck.


"What if we were gay?"

Barney's question had hung in the air a little too long to be passed off as a joke. He and Ted just stared at each other across the table, both frowning in contemplation.

"I mean, we're not, though," Ted said, still frowning.

"Totally not," Barney agreed.

They stared at each other for another few seconds.

"How would you know, though?" Ted asked

"I have no idea!" Barney burst out.

Suddenly they were both exchanging confused questions and statements about their own sexuality. "I've never kissed a guy, how do I know I wouldn't like it?" "You sleep with a bunch of girls you just start to assume!" "I mean, we're all curious about what everyone else is packing, does that mean anything?"

Ted was getting so worked up he had started talking with his hands. "Isn't college supposed to be when everyone has their experimentation phase and finds out everything about themselves? I didn't go through that! I didn't get my phase!"

"Me neither!" Barney lamented dramatically. "It's like a rite of passage you're meant to go through!"

"Now it's gone," Ted grumbled, "and we'll probably never know. We'll just go through life assuming we know who we are when we probably don't know the first thing about..."

Ted trailed off when he noticed Barney looking at him with the frowned expression again. "What are you looking at me like that for?" he asked, raising an eyebrow in worried anticipation of what he already thought he knew Barney was going to say.

"You didn't get your phase," Barney said, "I didn't get MY phase-"

"Oh no," Ted said, shaking his head.

"YES," Barney nodded.

"You're not-"

"I AM!"

"Barney, will you STOP! I'm not gay! YOU'RE not gay!"

"Didn't we just figure out that neither of us know that for sure yet?"

"Oh, god," Ted grumbled, slumping back in his chair, "is this gonna be another lecture about made-up people doing made-up things-"

"The year was eighteen seventy six," Barney stated dramatically. Ted made a loud groaning sound. "Two bros, the bro-est of bros were in a tavern one stormy night... just like tonight-"

"It's clear outside," Ted reminded him. Barney continued as if he hadn't been interrupted.

"-reminiscing about their days of education's past. To both their surprise, they discovered neither of them had gone through a period of life known to them as... 'the research course'-"

"That's just another way of saying 'experimentation pha-'"

"The two bros made a decision that night, the decision to sleep together for just one night, just to see how they felt about that sort of thing. The next day, they were assured of their heterosexuality and continued being the bro-est bros that ever did bro. Whilst never speaking of that night ever again for as long as either of them lived especially not to any friends they had at the time."

Barney's last sentence was said almost too fast to be understood.

"Barney," Ted told him, "you're crazy. Your idea is crazy, I can't believe you're even CONSIDERING-"

"Ted," Barney stopped him. "Teddy. Theodore. You said it yourself, you wish you'd gotten all that confusion out of your system, now the opportunity is poking you in the face - and will be later on, should you choose to take it - and you're running away."

Ted swallowed and for a moment, actually considered accepting Barney's offer. "Even if I DID want to... y'know," he said, "I don't think I'd do it with you. No offence, but I just don't think our friendship could handle it."

"Oh," Barney said, in his superior understanding voice, "I get it. You don't think we're bro enough."

"I don't think that's how you use that word."

"You don't see me as the bro I see you. I bet you think you have a better bro-nection with Marshall than you do with..."

Barney trailed off. He was staring at Ted again, his brow furrowed.

Ted immediately picked up on his thoughts. "No," he said. "No! Marshall's my best friend-"

"Second best friend."

"-and he's MARRIED, we can't ASK him to... y'know!"

"You've got to stop calling it 'y'know', Ted," Barney told him. "And why not! It'll just be three bros being bros together! More together than they'd ever been before or ever will be again."

"It's MARSHALL," Ted reminded him.

"Come on, Ted," Barney urged him, "say you'll have sex with your best friend and second best friend." Ted flinched at the suggestion.

"Barney, he's MARRIED," Ted repeated. "You can't ask a married man to have sex with someone else."

"I can't help but notice that's your only argument against it," Barney said, smugly.

Ted frowned at him, not in contemplation but annoyance.

"There's no problem with asking," Barney said.

"You're insane."

"And you're scared of what you might find out."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Ya-huh!"

Ted pursed his lips and shook his head, keeping his eyes on Barney's. Barney started nodding, a smirk crawling across his face. Ted tried to hold his own, but now that Barney had put the idea in his head, it just wasn't leaving.

"Fine," he spat. Barney raised his fists in celebration of convincing Ted yet again to enter a possibly life-changing situation. "But you have to do the asking," he added.

"Fine by me," Barney said, still smirking, "you know how hard it is for people to say 'no' when I offer to sleep with them."

"No!" Marshall cried, shocked.

"Come again?" Barney asked.

The three of them were in the kitchen of the upstairs apartment. Ted was more or less hiding behind Barney from any reaction Marshall possibly could have had to the suggestion. Now he was glad he did.

"Barney, I'm MARRIED," Marshall told him. "Do you have any idea-"

"Just hold on a second," Ted said, stepping out from behind Barney for a moment. "We know all about the sanctity of marriage thing - well, I do - and we thought it out."

"It's nothing more than a physical thing," Barney said. "I don't have a crush on you or Ted and neither of you have a crush on me. Or each other. Although I personally would have thought all those years of college would have left room for SOMETHING to happen-"

"The point is," Ted interrupted, "there's nothing emotional about it at all and it's just between friends. Nobody ever has to know it happened and won't mean anything to any of us."

Marshall looked between them, frowning with his arms folded. "Why do you even want to do this?" he asked. "You missed out on some phase in college and feel like you've missed out on something in the world?"

"Well, kinda," Ted said.

"Pretty much," Barney agreed.

Marshall rolled his eyes, moving his whole upper body to do so. "If you want to get with a guy so bad, why don't you just go out and find one?"

"Because that's scary!" Barney whined.

"What he means," Ted said, stepping in front of Barney to face his best friend, "is that... this is a really touchy subject for us. We don't want to be that... vulnerable with a stranger for this. With friends, friends who are just as curious and clueless as you are... it's a whole lot better than getting together with some random person at a club and having nothing to go on."

Marshall stared at the two guys looking up at him. "Why can't you just do each other?"

"Ted doesn't want to do it unless you're in it," Barney said. Ted elbowed him as hard as he could, a bit too late.

"Augh!" Barney choked. "What?"

It was too late, though. Barney had said it.

Ted looked back to Marshall, who was staring at him uneasily. He looked between him and Barney for a few more moments before looking away guiltily.

"You... you say nobody'd ever know?" he asked.

"Never," Ted assured him.

"Especially not to any particular friends or possible future girlfriends or both the same person," Barney added, not making eye contact.

Marshall looked like he was wrestling with the biggest dilemma of his life. He was swaying while looking at the ceiling and wetting his lips, his brow furrowed. At last, he scrunched up his eyes and looked to the floor, unfolding his arms. "Okay," he said.

"Yesss," Ted and Barney said, looking at each other and making fists.

"Okay, here's the plan," Barney said. "The three of us book a room at a hotel on the other side of the city. We each disguise ourselves as out-of-town businessmen from Russia and enter the room exactly one hour and twelve minutes apart-"

"Or we could just wait until Lily goes to work tomorrow," Marshall suggested. "Then just come here."

"Oh, good," Barney agreed. "I already used my Russian businessman disguise. I hate recycling."

The next day, Marshall saw his wife off when she left for work while Ted ate cereal at the table. They waited in silence for about an hour before Barney showed up, running inside the apartment as fast as possible, closing and locking the door behind him.

"I don't think anyone saw me," he said, worried.

"You come here all the time," Marshall reminded him. "Nobody would care if they did."

"Oh," Barney realized. "Right. Cool."

He stood in place, not doing anything. Marshall did the same, swaying slightly and looking all around the apartment. Ted still hadn't looked up from his cereal.

"Okay," Ted eventually said, standing up. "We said we were gonna do this, let's do this."

"What, now?" Marshall asked. "Like, right now? We have, like, all day until Lily gets back, we could-"

"No, this can't wait," Barney said. "If we put it off now it'll be put off again and again and it'll be the only thing that ever gets any kind of 'off'. THIS looks like a job for..."

He reached into his inner coat pocket and pulled out a DVD. "Porn!"

"You keep porn in your pocket?" Ted asked as Barney headed straight for the television set.

"Of course," Barney said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Do YOU ever know when you'd need to get someone in the mood? Oh, sorry, never mind, Ted."

Ted rolled his eyes. Marshall was still silent, still standing in the middle of the apartment.

Barney put the DVD in the player and hit the play button. A video started playing of an office worker trying to seduce his busty assistant. Barney sat down on the couch, his eyes fixed on the screen. When neither of the other two joined him, he looked back and gestured to the seats beside him.

Ted was the first. He walked over from the table to the couch and sat on the other side of it from Barney. He watched the screen as the office worker tore off his assistant's shirt while she moaned as if she were already being pleasured.

"Marshall?" Barney asked, looking at him. Marshall turned back to him, then to the screen. When Ted looked back, too, he caved. He shuffled closer until he was standing on the edge of the rug the couch and television were sitting on.

"This changes nothing," he told them. They both nodded, still watching the porn. Marshall slowly walked over and sat down in the only available seat on the couch left: right in the middle between them.

The three of them watched the screen intently, not making a sound. The office worker hitched up his assistant's skirt, exposing her lower body and revealing her lack of underwear. A zipping sound to their right snapped them back to the real world and they looked over to see Barney unzipping his pants.

"What?" he asked. "Someone's gotta start."

Ted and Marshall looked back to the screen. Ted could only hear it, but Marshall could see out of the corner of his eye as Barney reached into his pants and pulled out his penis, which was starting to get chubbier.

Ted swallowed and tried to keep his eyes and mind on the porn. He reached down and unzipped his own pants. Beside him, Marshall was frozen.

"It's cool," Barney told him. "Just bros being-"

"Barney, shut up," Ted told him.

Ted slowly pulled out his own rod. As Barney was doing just out of his path of vision, he started massaging it until it got harder.

Marshall stared at the shot of the assistant running her tongue up and down the office worker's erection. On both sides were his best friends with their cocks hanging out, both masturbating to the scene in front of them. He tried to ignore them as he unbuttoned his shorts.

Barney was about to say something, but decided not to after remembering Ted's last warning. Instead he just watched Marshall take Marshall Junior out of his underwear and hold it, almost worried about jerking off with his friends.

What he was doing with it, though, wasn't what Barney was surprised at. "Whoa," he said.

Marshall turned and saw Barney looking at his cock. He made a choking sound and suddenly twisted his pelvis away, blocking himself from Barney's sight.

"Agh!" Ted gasped. Marshall had directed himself straight at him, almost slapping his semi-erect member into his arm.

"Oh god," Marshall said, turning back, "I'm so sorry."

"Dude, that's impressive," Barney said, still looking. Marshall flinched but didn't turn away.

"Th-thanks," he said. Out of politeness, he ended up looking at Barney's, too. "Yours is... fine, too."

Barney smiled proudly then looked back to the porn. Marshall looked down to his own cock, realizing the size difference. Barney, the master ladies' man, pleaser of most of New York's women, had a smaller dick than he did. He couldn't help but smile a little and even start feeling more comfortable. He looked up to the screen and started masturbating to the shot of the office worker getting a blowjob while lying down on his desk.

Ted snuck a glance at Marshall's package, too. He was actually surprised; he didn't think Marshall could have been hiding something of that size. Then again, he realized, Marshall was a pretty big guy. It made sense for the rest of his body to be to scale.

He looked over to Barney, then down at his own member and felt embarrassed. It wasn't that much smaller than Barney's, but it meant he was the smallest one there.

"How do you keep that thing hidden?" Barney asked, looking Marshall in the eye, still beating himself off.

Marshall looked back and after two or three tries managed to return eye contact. "I'm a grower," he said. "And I wear briefs."

"Huh," Barney said, sounding impressed.

A few moments of silence passed where nobody said anything. Then...

"Can I touch it?"

"What!?"

Barney's question had caught Marshall completely off-guard. He and Ted looked at Barney in shock, no longer moving their hands. Barney looked back with indifference, even surprise. "What?" he asked. "It's why we're here."

Marshall was quiet, trying to form words with his mouth, but didn't. He looked down at himself and started swaying his head again. "Y-yeah," he said, letting go of himself. "Sure."

Still jerking himself, Barney reached over with his left hand and slowly wrapped his hands around Marshall's impressively-sized member. Marshall swallowed and leant back, his hands by his sides and eyes to the ceiling. Barney stroked along him with his fingertips, then clasped it with his whole hand. Marshall let out a squeaking sound.

Ted wasn't even watching the porn anymore. He was watching his best friend get a handjob from his other best friend, jerking himself off in the process. He watched Barney start to pump slowly, then a little faster, matching his other hand's pace. Marshall looked ahead, his eyes still closed but his mouth slightly open.

Ted looked down to Marshall's left hand, hanging between the two of them. If Marshall was willing to let Barney do that to him, surely he must be okay with doing the same to him...

Ted touched Marshall's hand, prompting him to open his eyes and look down. Ted lifted his friend's hand and moved it towards his own erection. Marshall looked up at Ted but saw he wasn't looking at him, but rather off to the side not quite at them and not quite at the screen. He bit his lip and opened his hand, wrapping it around Ted's member.

Ted drew breath. Marshall immediately started pumping him at a similar pace to Barney. Ted lifted his hand away and leant back, almost mimicking Marshall's previous actions.

"Hey, how come he gets somethin'," Barney asked. Marshall looked back and saw Barney frowning at him. He looked down to Barney's cock and shrugged slightly. He reached out with his other hand and took Barney's cock, too. Now he was jerking both of his friends off at once while one jerked him back.

"Oh, yeah," Barney vocalized. Marshall and Ted swallowed, just a bit uncomfortable, but didn't say anything else. "Mm," Barney continued. "Hey, Ted. Take over for me, my hand's getting tired."

Ted looked over to Barney, worried. He let go of Marshall and sunk deeper into the couch, enjoying Marshall's hand around him. He looked up at Marshall, who met his eye contact. They stared for a moment until Ted broke it too look down at Marshall's member, so he could take it in his hand and return the favour.

"Oh," Marshall moaned. Ted didn't even think twice about it. He watched his own hand run up and down his best friend's cock, even marvelled at the size of it. He'd never have the opportunity to hold something this big again, he figured he may as well relish it.

They continued to jerk each other off for a few more minutes until the porn scene changed. The office worker had removed his pants and was positioning himself to enter his assistant, who was moaning for more.

"Someone's anxious to get going," Barney joked. The other two chuckled. Barney looked over at the other two, looking serious. He hesitated, but spoke. "Do you guys... wanna keep going?"

Ted and Marshall stopped their motions and turned to him. Barney shrugged. "I mean... further?" he added. Ted and Marshall exchanged a look, then looked away and muttered in the affirmative.

"So, then," Barney wondered, "... who goes first?"

Nobody spoke for a moment or two, then Marshall raised his hand awkwardly like a student. "Uh," he began, "since you two... were the ones who dragged ME into this... I think... I think you should BOTH, uh... take care of ME..."

"Uh, excuse me?" Barney asked. "Ted's the one who-"

"Okay," Ted agreed, still not looking at anyone.

"Ted!" Barney scolded.

Ted turned himself towards Marshall and stared at his cock. He reached out and held it again, but angled it towards himself. He leaned forward, opening his mouth, and hovered over the top of it. Barney and Marshall watched, transfixed, as Ted closed his eyes and wrapped his lips around the head of Marshall's cock.

"MMm," Marshall mumbled, closing his eyes. He looked back up, holding his hands by his sides again while Ted ran his lips up off the head, then went down on it again, taking more into his mouth. He sucked lightly, lubricating everything he could reach with his own saliva to slide along it easier.

Marshall raised his pelvis a little, enough to allow him to slide his shorts off. He dropped them in front of him and sat right back down, letting Ted continue his business.

Barney watched almost hungrily as Ted sank deeper onto Marshall's cock with each dip. Marshall lifted his arm and rested it on Ted's upper back, starting to control his pace a little.

Barney leaned in closer, too. Since Ted was taking care of the top half of his shaft, he decided to take care of the bottom. He angled his mouth and wrapped his lips around its side, running his tongue along it. He ran his lips up and down, then further up to meet Ted's. Ted moved off to let Barney move on, attempting to sink further down Marshall's rod than Ted could, but quickly found he couldn't take quite as much as he wanted to. After nearly choking, he made his dips more shallow, letting Ted take care of the bottom as he had.

Soon Marshall was resting his hands on both their heads, moaning softly to himself as they both slid up and down his cock, letting their lips brush against each other's and even their tongues.

Barney lifted off him with a slurping sound. "D'you think I could get something?" he asked.

"Go help Ted," Marshall said, a lazy smile on his face. "His arm's been tired for a while."

Barney silently cursed his previous behaviour. He stood up and grabbed his own member, starting to jerk himself again. He stepped around Marshall and stopped at Ted, kneeling down in front of him.

Ted didn't look up from Marshall's cock. He moved himself to help Barney pull his pants off but he didn't let his attention stray far from blowing his friend. Barney welled up some saliva in his mouth before leaning down and taking Ted into his mouth.

Ted moaned a little into Marshall's cock, which made him tremble a little. Barney lowered his mouth down onto Ted's member, trying to push himself to take as much as he could. He pumped his head up and down, taking most of him inside. Ted continued to make sounds, giving Marshall tiny spasms of ecstasy.

Ted looked to the screen again. The assistant was bent over a desk, the office worker thrusting into her rear, both of them being quite loud about it.

He let Marshall's cock spill out of his mouth to speak. "We gonna go all the way?" he asked.

Barney and Marshall both looked to the screen and saw what he meant.

"I'm in," Marshall said. Barney nodded, still jacking Ted off with his spare hand. At some point he had removed his entire suit, and was now kneeling in front of Ted without a single item of clothing on. "Now?" he asked.

"Not here, though," Marshall said. "We'll do it in Ted's room."

"Hey, why mine?" Ted asked, looking up to him.

"'Cos your bed's more blue-balled than YOU," Barney joked.

The three of them got up from the couch and went into Ted's room. Marshall and Ted stripped off their shirts on the way and tossed them aside. Now all three of them were completely naked in a bedroom together.

"So who gets who?" Barney asked, shifting his weight from foot to foot excitedly. "I want Ted, I bet he's a real good-"

"Dude," Ted said, deadpan.

"I'll do Ted first," Marshall decided.

"What?" Barney asked for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. "How come?"

"Because I'm the one calling the shots here," Marshall answered. Ted and Barney both looked at him, mildly surprised and impressed. Marshall didn't look nearly as nervous as he had when they'd begun; in fact he looked quite confident, ready to deal it out.

"Ted," he said, gesturing to the bed. He went to Ted's nightstand and opened the drawer, looking through for any lubricant.

Ted put the concept of Marshall looking through his things aside. He swallowed and stepped over to the side of his bed. He thought for a moment about how to position himself, but Marshall came right up behind him and pushed on his upper back, bending him over the mattress.

"Oh," Ted choked out, shocked. Marshall didn't say anything, already prepared.

Marshall took his rod and guided it towards his best friend's hole. He rubbed around it with the head, teasing Ted with it. Then he pushed against it and slid it straight in.

Ted tensed up and made a strangled sound. Marshall reached out and held his shoulder, holding him in place. He slid himself further inside, filling Ted up. Ted tried to keep his muscles relaxed but it was harder than anything he'd tried to do in such a situation.

Marshall slowly slid further out before thrusting back in again, keeping a slow rhythm. Ted was breathing heavily, stopping himself from making too much noise.

Barney stepped around the bed and sat down on the other side, watching the two of them. He kept stroking himself, keeping himself hard, watching Ted take all of Marshall at once. He watched his friend's face distorted by pain and pleasure together, and the other's by an animalistic urge he'd never seen before. He realized how meaningless his comments about Marshall's prowess in the bedroom had been. The man knew what do to, and he did it well.

Ted was panting and straining, but was starting to feel less pain. Every time Marshall thrusted he felt a surge of sensations, each one better than the last. He gripped the blankets in front of him while Marshall gripped his hips, pounding him harder than before.

"Oh, yeah," Barney said, looking at Ted, wanting to give him the same thing Marshall was. "Yeah, I want some of that."

"You do?" Marshall said. "Come on, then. Come have some."

Barney smirked and walked around to where Marshall was standing. He thought Marshall would move out of the way, but instead he took him by the shoulders.

"Oh, uh-"

Marshall guided Barney down beside Ted, lying him down on his back. "Wait," Barney said, "I didn't mean-"

"Oh, you don't want this?" Marshall asked.

Barney looked up into Marshall's eyes. He knew he was going to get it sooner or later, but he supposed the time had come. He let Marshall lift his legs up while Ted sat up on the bed, still breathing heavily. He watched Marshall lean over Barney's body as he slid himself into his hole, sending Barney into a rush of feelings.

"Agh!" he moaned. "Agh!"

"Calm down," Ted laughed, watching Marshall slide out again. "It gets easier. Just relax."

"How?" Barney asked. Marshall pushed back in and he let out another moan of pain. Marshall held Barney's legs up and kept pumping into him, speeding up faster than he had with Ted.

Barney moaned with every thrust, feeling the same surge Ted had felt. Gradually he started to enjoy the feeling and the pain started to fade. He stared up at Marshall, who was concentrated solely on his own movements. He let go of Barney's legs and let him hold them up on his own, leaning further over him until their faces were just inches apart. Ted was still jerking himself, fixated on the pair of them.

"Dude," Marshall said, "you've gotta try this."

"Me?" Ted asked.

"No, Ted, call up Ranjeet and tell him to get over here. Yes, YOU, Ted!"

Marshall let up off Barney and slid out of him. Barney made a quiet sound as his body was suddenly emptied of his friend's cock. Ted pushed himself off the bed and reached for his nightstand. In moments he was ready and got into the same position Marshall was in.

"Hey, Ted," Barney said, trying to sound casual. "What brings you here?"

"This," Ted answered.

Ted slid himself straight into Barney, pushing as far in as he could. Barney's eyes popped and his mouth hung open. "Aahhh," he moaned. "Ohh..."

"It's better 'cos I stretched him out," Marshall smiled, speaking in Ted's ear. Ted smiled, too, pounding harder into Barney's body.

Barney tried to say something, but every time Ted slammed into him he lost his train of thought. Ted kept pounding into him for another few minutes until Barney was used to it enough to talk. "D-don't I get a-anything?" he said.

"You're getting both of us," Marshall shrugged, "did you want someone else?"

"You kn-know what I mean," Barney complained.

Ted thought for a moment, then stopped thrusting. He slid out of Barney and let him sit back up. "Do me," he said.

"Really, Ted?" Barney asked, as if Ted were giving him a gift on Christmas.

"Don't make this weird," Ted said. He lay back on the bed as Barney had been. Barney smirked and stood up. Once he was ready, he lifted Ted's legs into the air.

"Hope you're ready for this," he said smugly, "you're about to find out why all of New York's female population-"

"Just do me already," Ted interrupted.

"Okay, okay," Barney conceded. He leant forward and positioned himself in front of Ted's hole. He hesitated, but pushed the head in. Ted scrunched up his eyes and made a hissing sound, inhaling sharply.

"More?" Barney asked.

"More," Ted answered, not changing his face.

Barney slid more of himself inside and Ted hissed again. Barney kept going, pumping in and out of his friend. Behind him, Marshall stood, slowly stroking himself to the scene.

Barney pumped faster, starting to moan himself. Ted panted, getting used to Barney's size a lot faster than Marshall's. He started jacking himself off, watching Barney push himself into him.

"Yeah," Barney said. "Yeah, take it. Take everything. You like this, don't you."

"Barney," Ted told him.

"Oh, yeah, say my name. Louder, say it louder."

"Barney, don't."

"Oh, yeah, like that but without the 'don't'. Take me, take all of me, feel me in your-"

"Dude," Marshall said, suddenly holding Barney's waist, "don't make this weird."

Barney gasped as Marshall pushed himself back into him. He bent forward, which only made it easier for Marshall to slide himself inside. Ted grinned, watching Marshall start fucking the man who was fucking him. Barney's eyes were squeezed shut and his movements had slowed greatly. Marshall pumped harder, moving Barney's hips for him, helping him slide into Ted for him.

Marshall all but controlled Barney, making him fuck Ted while fucking him himself. Barney could hardly handle the feeling of Marshall's sizeable length inside him while having his own inside Ted. When his motions started to get erratic, the other two knew he was about to come.

"You about to come?" Marshall asked him in his ear. "Do it. Come all over him, do it."

Barney obeyed Marshall completely, sliding his cock out of Ted, who was still jerking his own, and pumped it over him. Seconds passed, Marshall still pounding into him, and a stream erupted from the tip, landing all over Ted's belly and chest. Barney moaned loudly, his eyes closed and his body growing weak. Marshall held him up, stopping him from falling onto Ted and guided him beside him. Barney lay back on the bed, a huge smile on his face

"You want me to finish that for you?" he asked, pointing to Marshall's cock.

"It's cool, buddy," Marshall said. "You're done for today."

He looked down on Ted, his huge figure looming over him. Ted watched, still jerking himself, as he stepped forward, clearing the distance between them.

"I'll finish you if you finish me," he offered. Ted nodded in agreement.

Marshall pushed himself inside, which Ted welcomed, and picked up where he left off in Barney. They both moaned as Marshall thrusted faster and faster, until he too was on the verge of coming.

He paused, though. He moved slower, at a different pace. He was waiting for Ted to finish, waiting until then to let himself come. Ted pumped faster, arching his back. He felt Marshall continue to slide into him and approached the point of no return. He gasped, pumping faster, and at last came. His stream arced back onto his own body, mingled with Barney's, mixing together and dripping down his body.

Marshall started thrusting more purposefully until his face contorted with pleasure. As he finished he kept thrusting, letting his seed burst out inside his best friend. He pumped until the very last drop had escaped him, only then did he finally stop pounding, and pulled out for the last time.

For a few minutes, they just panted. They all sat on the bed, Ted laying back so as not to spill load everywhere. Finally, Barney broke the silence.

"I thought I'd be the top," he said. "Like, the whole time."

Marshall laughed. "That's karma," he said.

"Karma?"

"Yeah," Ted agreed, "like payback for all those girls you banged."

Barney frowned at them. "So," he continued. "Who feels any different?"

Marshall shook his head. "It was fun, but... I don't think I like guys."

"Neither," Ted said. "I mean, man, that was great... but that's just 'cos it was sex."

"Same," Barney said, looking thoughtful. "At first I thought, 'maybe', but... no, definitely not gay."

"Not gay," Ted repeated.

"Not gay," Marshall concluded.

"Not clean, either," Ted added, screwing up his eyes. "Can someone get me some tissues? Or a towelette?"

"Pfft, sure, 'not gay'," Barney scoffed, standing up.

"Hey!" Ted retorted as Barney left for the bathroom. He looked over to Marshall almost pleadingly. "Marshall? Tissues?"

"Here you go, buddy," Marshall said, taking a box of tissues from Ted's nightstand and passing them to him. They smiled to each other, lingering just for a moment. They both knew that what just happened had meant nothing, that it was all just an experiment between bros. It hadn't affected their friendship, and as long as they never talked about it again, it never would.

And they didn't.


End file.
